Managing Workplace Drama: Lessons from No Ego by Cy Wakeman

One of the toughest challenges leaders face is dealing with workplace drama, often caused by personal egos and emotional responses. In her book No Ego, Cy Wakeman offers powerful strategies for cutting through this drama and building a culture that focuses on accountability and results. By encouraging employees to focus on reality rather than their emotional reactions, leaders can create a more efficient and productive work environment.

Moving Away from Drama: A Reality-Based Approach

Cy Wakeman emphasizes that most workplace drama comes from the stories we tell ourselves rather than the actual situation. This gap between reality and our personal interpretation often leads to wasted time, emotional stress, and decreased productivity. To combat this, Wakeman encourages leaders to adopt reality-based leadership - a style that focuses on dealing with facts, not feelings.

Instead of entertaining complaints or emotional reactions, leaders should ask questions that bring the focus back to facts and solutions. Examples of reality-based questions include:

What is the truth in this situation?

This encourages employees to separate facts from feelings and opinions, going through their assumptions or emotional reactions.

What can you do to improve this situation?

By shifting the focus from problems to solutions, employees start to feel empowered to take action rather than waiting for others to fix the issue.

What would great look like in this situation?

This question helps move the conversation away from blame or frustration and toward a vision of what success or improvement would look like.

By consistently asking these kinds of questions, leaders can shift the culture from one of blame and drama to one of ownership and responsibility.

Example: Addressing Complaints with Reality-Based Leadership

Imagine an employee complains that their colleague isn’t contributing enough to a shared project. Rather than indulging in this complaint or sympathizing, a leader using reality-based leadership might ask:

What can you do to support your team in getting this project done?

This type of question challenges the employee to think about their own actions and role in the solution, rather than focusing on what someone else may or may not be doing. Over time, this approach helps employees become more proactive and less focused on drama or blaming others.

The Challenge with Open-Door Policies

Many leaders promote an open-door policy, thinking it encourages transparency and trust within the team. In theory, this policy is meant to give employees easy access to managers for any concerns or issues. However, Cy Wakeman warns that this well-intended approach can sometimes backfire, leading to an increase in workplace drama. If employees come to you with every little complaint or problem, it can create dependency rather than promoting problem-solving skills.

When every issue is brought to the leader, employees are more likely to rely on their managers to solve problems for them rather than figuring things out themselves. This also creates more opportunities for drama, as people might vent emotions instead of taking responsibility for their role in situations.

To make an open-door policy work better, Wakeman suggests leaders focus on redirecting the conversation back to the employee's own accountability. When employees bring problems to your office, instead of immediately offering solutions, try asking them reflective questions that help them take ownership. Some examples include:

How are you involved in this situation?

This question forces employees to reflect on their own contribution to the issue, encouraging self-awareness and responsibility.

What steps have you already taken to solve this?

This prompts employees to think critically and make an effort to resolve the issue themselves before relying on leadership to step in.

What can you do differently to improve this outcome?

Instead of allowing the focus to remain on external factors (such as blaming others), this shifts the attention back to the employee’s ability to influence the situation.

By consistently asking these questions, leaders help employees become more independent and solution-focused, reducing unnecessary drama and emotional outbursts.

Example: Open-Door Situation

Let’s say an employee comes to you with a complaint about another department making scheduling errors that affect their team. Instead of jumping in to solve the issue, ask:

What steps have you taken to try and resolve this with the other department?

This question helps the employee reflect on their own actions and think about how they can be part of the solution. It encourages them to take responsibility for improving communication, rather than expecting the manager to intervene on their behalf. Over time, this leads to fewer complaints and more problem-solving behaviors across the team.

Final Thoughts

In No Ego, Cy Wakeman shows that managing workplace drama isn’t about fixing every issue or indulging in emotional responses. It’s about leading people back to reality and encouraging them to take ownership of their actions. By asking the right questions, leaders can reduce drama and build a culture of accountability, where employees focus on solutions rather than problems.

When applied consistently, these principles help leaders create teams that are more resilient, self-reliant, and engaged in finding ways to improve. While the open-door policy has its place, it works best when combined with reality-based leadership that promotes personal responsibility and critical thinking.

By guiding your team toward accountability and reality, you not only reduce drama but also empower your employees to grow and take ownership of their work, ultimately improving both productivity and workplace culture.