How to Give and Receive Feedback Effectively

Feedback is one of the most valuable tools for growth in any professional setting, yet it’s often misunderstood or poorly executed. Whether you’re the one offering feedback or receiving it, knowing how to navigate these conversations can make a significant difference in personal and team development. Here are some practical strategies to help you get and give feedback more effectively.

Giving Feedback: Be Clear, Caring, and Direct

When giving feedback, it’s important to strike a balance between being direct and showing empathy. A great example of this approach is highlighted in Radical Candor by Kim Scott. Scott encourages leaders to care personally while challenging directly. This means you need to show genuine concern for the person’s well-being, but also provide honest, constructive criticism.

For example, instead of saying:

“You’re always late to meetings. It’s really frustrating for everyone.”

Try:

“I’ve noticed you’ve been late to meetings recently, and it’s starting to affect the team’s ability to stay on track. Is there something going on that’s making it hard to join on time?”

In this version, you’re addressing the issue directly but also inviting a dialogue to understand their perspective.

Receiving Feedback: Listen Without Defensiveness

Receiving feedback can be tough, especially when it feels like criticism. In Thanks for the Feedback by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen, the authors suggest focusing on understanding rather than defending. This means listening carefully and asking clarifying questions, rather than immediately justifying your actions.

If someone says:

“Your report was a bit confusing. I didn’t understand the key points.”

Instead of responding:

“Well, I didn’t have much time to prepare it, and the instructions weren’t clear!”

Try:

“Thanks for letting me know. Could you point out which parts were unclear so I can improve next time?”

This approach shows that you are open to learning and improving, even if the feedback feels difficult to accept.

Frame Feedback Around Growth

In The Feedback Fallacy by Marcus Buckingham and Ashley Goodall, the authors argue that traditional feedback often focuses too much on what’s wrong rather than how to grow. They recommend focusing feedback on strengths and areas where the person can improve without making it feel like a personal attack.

Instead of:

“You need to improve your presentation skills. They aren’t very engaging.”

Try:

“You’ve got some great ideas, and with a bit more practice, I think you can make your presentations even more engaging. Maybe we can work on that together?”

This shifts the focus from criticism to potential, helping the person feel more motivated to improve.

Handle Difficult Conversations with Empathy

Sometimes feedback conversations are more difficult, especially when emotions are involved. Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson and his co-authors is a great resource for navigating these tricky moments. The key here is to stay calm and keep the conversation focused on solutions rather than getting sidetracked by emotions.

For instance, if someone is upset after receiving feedback:

“I feel like you’re always picking on me in meetings. Why don’t you criticize anyone else like this?”

You could respond:

“I’m sorry if it feels that way. That’s not my intention. I want to help you improve because I believe in your potential. Let’s talk about how we can work together to address any concerns you have.”

Here, you acknowledge their feelings but steer the conversation back toward a constructive outcome.

Be Courageous and Vulnerable

In Dare to Lead by Brené Brown, Brown emphasizes the importance of courage and vulnerability in giving feedback. This means being brave enough to address difficult issues head-on, while also being open to making mistakes or admitting when you don’t have all the answers.

For example, if you’re giving feedback and unsure how the person will react, you might say:

“I want to share something with you that might be difficult to hear, but I think it’s important for your growth. I hope you’ll trust that I’m coming from a place of support.”

This shows that you care about their development and are willing to have an honest conversation, even if it’s uncomfortable.

Conclusion

Giving and receiving feedback effectively requires clarity, empathy, and a focus on growth. By adopting strategies from books like Radical Candor, Thanks for the Feedback, The Feedback Fallacy, Crucial Conversations, and Dare to Lead, you can transform feedback into a powerful tool for improving performance and building stronger relationships in the workplace.